


The Random Files of Artemis Fowl

by vortexinthestudio



Category: Artemis Fowl - Eoin Colfer
Genre: Alternate Universe, Canon Compliant, F/M, Ficlet Collection, Fluff, Humor, Mutual Pining, One Shot Collection, Post-Canon, Pre-Canon, Romance, Short & Sweet
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-26
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-18 16:28:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 19,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28995243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vortexinthestudio/pseuds/vortexinthestudio
Summary: A gift for a lovely, wonderful friend of mine.A collection of Artemis Fowl short stories set between the Artemis Fowl series and the Fowl Twins series, and after the Fowl Twins series. Includes several OCs! Oneshots are not in chronological order unless labeled in parts.
Relationships: Artemis Fowl II/Original Female Character(s)
Kudos: 6





	1. Overly Sentimental Reflections

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ainsley Athens Blair](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Ainsley+Athens+Blair).



"When did you decide to sneak upstairs?"  
Artemis looked up, his bright blue eyes quickly settling on the shadowy shape of his girlfriend standing in the doorway. "After everyone but Beckett dropped off to sleep." Aided by some combination of sugar and nine-year-old energy, Beckett usually outlasted everyone else when it came to movie nights that inevitably turned into massive sleepovers. He considered it quite an accomplishment, even if the rest of the household disagreed.  
But tonight, Artemis had found himself kept awake and distracted from the movie by the problem currently sitting in front of him. So once his friends had fallen asleep and after making sure Beckett would stay glued to the TV screen and out of trouble Artemis had gone upstairs.  
  
Yawning sleepily, Sophie crossed the dark office towards the desk where sat her boyfriend, illuminated by the pale yellow glow of the room's only light source. The lamp light caused Artemis's pale skin to seem as if it were glowing, and the sight of it made Sophie smirk slightly. "So you just decided to abandon us all? Hm, vampires truly have no hearts. All the stories were true."  
Rolling his eyes, Artemis set down his pen and wrapped his arms around Sophie's waist as she settled herself sideways on his lap. "Vampires have hearts. That is where you're supposed to drive the wooden stake, remember?"  
"He can endure being called a vampire but fairies forbid he have to listen to inaccurate vampircal information." Her tone was filled with mock annoyance, but the tender way she nestled into him assured Artemis that she wasn't truly irritated. "What are you working on?"  
"I'm attempting to translate the fairy book we found in Atlantis." Artemis's features twisted themselves into a scowl as he remembered the adventure several weeks prior that had nearly cost their friends Ainsley, Adam, Holly, and Mulch their lives. The book in question that they had retrieved was handwritten in a dead fairy language scholars had long since forgotten about entirely, and included some very detailed and somewhat scandalous illustrations.  
"Foaly seems to think there is some great secret hidden within the text. It took quite a bit of effort to persuade him to agree to let me have it for awhile before turning it in to the Council. And even more effort to prevent Myles from getting a look at it and its. . ."  
"Interesting sketches?" Sophie supplied, a soft giggle escaping her lips. "That's probably for the best."  
Picking up his discarded pen, Sophie leaned over the papers laid across the desk and started writing, her brain quickly settling into a process of symbol analyzing. Luckily, the many late nights spent writing in her notebook or on her laptop staring at words and letters made this kind of work fairly easy for her, tired though she was. Artemis took a moment to watch her, admiring not for the first time her features as well as her intelligence and dedication.  
  
Sophie had raked her long black hair over one shoulder, allowing the lamplight to illuminate her face and brighten her dark brown eyes. She wrote silently, her lips mouthing sounds and words as she wrote. Coincidentally, it was a stack of fairy files that had brought them together in the first place.  
_'Well, to be precise it was a stack of fairy files that caused our first meeting,'_ Artemis thought. The circumstances surrounding their actual relationship were much stranger and much more complicated. But that was a story for another time.  
Between their differing careers, Artemis's family, Sophie's online studies, and the fairy shenanigans, the couple rarely had a moment of quiet together. Although Artemis's family and all their close friends knew of their relationship, neither Artemis nor Sophie were people who liked to be public about their relationship. Peaceful moments like these became precious. Perhaps one day in the future Artemis would accept his mother's advice and propose to Sophie that they take a vacation together. After the past year and a half or so of adventures and work, a break might be nice.  
  
His reverie was broken when Sophie spoke without pausing in her work, her voice light and teasing. "I can feel you staring at me." Before he could feign innocence, she stopped writing just long enough to turn her head and place a chaste kiss at the corner of his mouth. "Get to work Master Genius, the sooner you finish here the sooner I can drag you back downstairs with me."  
"To do what? Fall asleep on the couch with the rest of the household?"  
"Beckett has started calling it a 'cuddle puddle' and I think Butler almost melted from how cute Beck sounded when he said it."  
"Forgive me, but the title 'cuddle puddle' does not make that scenario any more appealing."  
Despite Artemis's half-hearted misgivings, he obediently pulled another pen out from the desk drawer and returned to work. Both the young people were ambidextrous, but they favored opposite hands, which made it easy for them to work at the desk together even with Sophie sitting across Artemis's lap.  
  
An hour passed by quickly, with nothing but the sound of pen scratches to break the peaceful silence. By the time Artemis was satisfied with what had been accomplished, the moon was casting light in through the window and Sophie was yawning every three minutes.  
"I think that's sufficient for tonight. If we attempt to continue any longer you're going to fall asleep on my desk."  
Sophie tossed the pen aside and nodded in agreement. "You're probably right, as per usual. Are you going to come downstairs with me now?"  
"Must I sleep down there with you all?"  
"No, just sit with us for awhile. Do vampires even sleep?"  
Artemis answered seriously before he was able to stop himself. "Supposedly, they sleep in coffins. But-" he hurriedly continued, ignoring Sophie's snickers. "I am not a vampire."  
"Hm, well you must be something," she said as she reached up to brush a few stray strands of black hair away from Artemis's face. "There has to be some kind of magical explanation for why I don't find you half as obnoxiously irritating as others do." Her fingers tangled in his hair and she stared at him drowsily, brow furrowed and lips pressed tightly together in the same expression she often wore when puzzling over a particularly interesting yet difficult riddle.  
He raised an eyebrow, amusement playing across his features. Drowsiness seemed to make Sophie much more affectionate than she usually was, as long one considered "not half as obnoxiously irritating" an expression of endearment. Which Artemis did, considering what he knew of the person it was coming from and especially considering he'd heard Sophie describe people she genuinely disliked and those descriptions were much more colorful.  
"Magic? Is that so? And here I thought you liked me for my magnetic personality," he said as he pressed a soft kiss to her temple. "Very well, I shall come downstairs. But you'll have to get up."  
"I suppose if I must."  
  
Sophie stood up and stretched, waiting impatiently as Artemis put his things away. Part of her wondered if he was taking a long time on purpose, but the thought of returning to the living room and going back to sleep tempered her impatience.  
Finally, Artemis finished tidying up and turned off the lamp. He grasped Sophie's hand in the darkness and pulled the office door shut behind them as they left. They could hear the movie playing in the living room as they reached the top of the stairs. No doubt Beckett was still awake, covered in buttery popcorn and perched atop a snoring Adam in his neon light-up wheelchair, with Ainsley peacefully asleep in the chair next to them and Butler, Juliet, Holly, and Myles all piled on the couch.  
Artemis looked over the banister into the living room and felt a surge of tender affection and admiration for all those people welling up in him. Perhaps the lateness of the hour was affecting him as well. Or perhaps this was just the way he was now. He had found himself becoming increasingly sentimental over the years, to a degree that would have horrified his younger self. But perhaps that wasn't such a bad thing. Younger Artemis would never have guessed himself to become so nostalgic, but he also wouldn't have guessed himself to have the friends and comrades he had now, not to mention the efforts and adventures that brought them all here.  
  
"I love you," Sophie said softly, once again interrupting his thoughts.  
Artemis kept a straight face, saying seriously, "That is fantastic news."  
She pouted, a childish puppy-dog expression he rarely saw on her face and one that almost made him laugh. "Traditionally, you're supposed to say it back."  
"My dear, we are not nor ever have been anything close to traditional, normal, or any other sense of either word."  
"Artemis!" Sophie prodded his side with her finger, attacking what she knew was his weak spot. "Say it."  
Stifling his chuckles, Artemis leaned against the wall to avoid her attacks, trying his best not to slip and fall on the stairs. "Alright! I surrender, stop it Sophie!" He sputtered, trying to keep his voice down to avoid waking his family.  
"Say it," she replied, ceasing her poking.  
Artemis thought about teasing her more, but Sophie had resorted to staring at him with doe eyes, and that broke him. "I love you, you infuriating woman," he stated as he squeezed her hand.  
"Good. That is the only acceptable answer."


	2. A More Efficient Mode of Transportation

In fairness to all parties involved, the situation could have been much, much worse. Instead of falling into a muddy ditch, Adam could have careened off a high cliff into the unforgiving ocean rocks below. It was this optimistic perspective he expressed to his girlfriend Ainsley as she righted his somewhat battered wheelchair and Beckett helped him up out of the mud.  
"What are you three doing out here anyway?" Ainsley demanded to know, her pale blue eyes shooting first Adam then the twins a rather accusing look.  
Myles adjusted his glasses and explained while Beckett, who was covered in mud and thoroughly enjoying it, massaged the thick brown substance into his blond curls. "We were recreating the Battle of Thermopylae, of course."

It was a well-known fact that Myles and Beckett Fowl, while very intelligent and talented children, were at times very difficult children. Myles, with his astronomically high IQ and insistence upon precise and factually correct speech, drove many teachers into early retirement with his smug commentary and the criminal bend in his personality. Beckett, in contrast, caused many a teacher to go grey before their time with his highly dangerous stunts, ever-shifting attention span, cleverly formulated demands, and penchant for disrobing.  
So when Dr. Adam Haxley - teacher and educational extraordinaire - offered to begin tutoring the twins, Artemis Sr. and Angeline Fowl were more than happy to accept his offer. Their desire was for Myles and Beckett to eventually attend Saint Bartleby's School for Young Gentlemen as all the other men in the Fowl family had, but it wouldn't hurt to have the twins homeschooled for a few years and given the chance to explore their more unique interests.  
And they certainly had very unique interests. But Adam had adjusted accordingly and found many creative ways to get the boys through their lessons. On one occasion, he gained Myles's respect when he had tricked him into learning the sport of basketball using the theoretical science of seismic sensing. Similarly, Adam had won Beckett over by teaching him poetry through archery.  
Adam chose battle reenactments to teach history and strategy. It was an excellent way to expel Beckett's energy and get Myles to exercise while keeping both of them mentally engaged. On occasion, they even convinced the Butlers to join them.

On this occasion though, Butler was out with the twins' older brother Artemis, and Juliet was assisting Angeline Fowl in some shopping. So Adam had taken the boys out on the lawn and the learning had begun with just the three of them. It was during the second charge of the battle that some mechanism in Adam's chair had jammed, sending the man tumbling into the dirt right as Ainsley pulled up to the villa.  
"I'm fine, no injuries," Adam said as he brushed soil and grass off his dark skin. "A bit of a bruised ego but that's about it. This shirt's a goner though."  
"I think it's time to get you a new wheelchair," Ainsley said, crossing her arms as she surveyed the muddied and somewhat pitiful figure her boyfriend currently was. "We can't have it keep bucking you off like a wild horse every time you reach a certain speed."  
Beckett's attention was caught at the words "wild horse," and he stopped coloring his hair brown. "You should get an actual horse!"  
"There is no world in which a horse is a suitable replacement for a wheelchair, Beck," Myles stated flatly.  
Adam chuckled, thanking Beckett for the suggestion anyway. "I hate to give up this chair, but I suppose it's time. I built it while I was still an undergrad." Back when he had still been under the rule of his psychotic older brother Donovan. At the time, building his own chair had offered Adam a neat little escape from the abuse of his brother, but now Donovan was imprisoned and Adam had no need of escape.  
"You could ask Artemis to upgrade it," Ainsley pointed out. "If he can build a rocket he could most likely fix up a wheelchair."  
"True. Well, in any case, I think lessons are over for the day. I've got to go clean up."  
Beckett groaned in disappointment, but Myles assured Adam and Ainsley that they'll be fine alone at the house with its high-tech custom security system for another couple of hours until their mother returned home and bid them goodbye.

"Come along brother," Myles said after Adam and Ainsley had left. "Let us return to the house. I have an idea that requires attention immediately and I need your help with it."  
Beckett squinted suspiciously, wondering if he was being tricked into doing something science-y. Rarely did the things that Myles deemed utmost important line up with the things Beckett deemed utmost important. "What kind of help?" He asked.  
"I was thinking painting. But if you would like to do more then by all means."  
Painting was not too bad! Beckett considered it for a moment, then nodded in agreement. "Okay! But you have to tell me a story while we paint."  
Myles supposed that was a fair trade, so he agreed. "Very well. What story would you like, brother?"  
"Angry Hamster and the battle with giant volcano spiders!"  
Knowing that any attempt at arguing would be futile, Myles sighed and began the trek back to the house. "Alright, giant volcanic spiders it is." Not for the first time, Myles wondered if he truly was the smarter twin. Sometimes he thought Beckett was playing dumb just for fun.  
Whether or not Beckett was playing dumb, he was definitely having fun. After shoving a handful of mud into his pockets for later, he caught up to Myles. "What important thing are we doing?" He asked. "Are we going to space?"  
"I am working on that, as it would be fun to beat Artemis to Mars. But no, we are going to build a wheelchair."  
"Can it have a death ray?"  
Myles considered this idea, puzzling more over whether he could hide such an invention from his parents rather than the possibility of the idea itself. "I'll see what I can do."

Thus for the next three days, Artemis found his laboratory hijacked by his brothers. Myles, who had a deep interest in design, quickly put together the blueprints. He enlisted Beckett, who had an uncanny knack for savaging, to find him the necessary parts. Neither of the boys were good at doing things simply, so while the new wheelchair did not end up with a death ray, it was equipped with a large variety of tools and extra luxuries including a cup holder, laptop desk, laser pointer capable of burning through several feet of solid metal, universal charging port, a secret compartment in one of the armrests built to hold a pistol, and several other bells and whistles Adam would most likely never use.  
As for the appearance, Myles had opted for a sleek black and silver look, but Beckett had immediately taken that idea off the table and insisted on some color. They argued over the exact color for awhile, but after some input from Butler, Holly, and Artemis's girlfriend Sophie, they finally settled on a deep pink color. Beckett had the idea of adding keypad controlled neon lights so that the wheelchair could be easily visible at night, if so desired.  
In the end, Myles and Beckett rolled a very stylish, very modern dark pink light-up wheelchair out of Artemis's lab. Artemis himself applauded them when they brought it downstairs.  
"I'm impressed," he said proudly. "It's excellent work."  
Myles shot his elder brother a biting glare. "Of course it is," he retorted. "I designed it."  
"No more talking, let's call him over!" Beckett pulled out his smartphone, which was custom designed and built by Artemis and forever covered in some slightly sticky substance, and dialed Adam's number.

Fifteen minutes later, Adam and Ainsley made their way up the front walkway, neither of them sure why exactly they had been called over to the Fowl residence.  
"I hope everyone is alright," Adam said as he pushed himself up the ramp. "Beckett didn't sound like he was in danger. Not that he ever takes any dangerous situation that seriously."  
Ainsley shrugged as she rang the doorbell. "I'm pretty sure Beckett is made entirely of rubber. I doubt there are many things in existence that could hurt him. Myles on the other hand, maybe."  
The door opened after a moment and Artemis greeted them, inviting them inside. "I hope my brothers didn't pull you away from anything important," he said.  
"No, we were just out running some errands," Adam answered, his brow slightly furrowed in confusion. Everything seemed to be fine, so why did Beckett call them over with so much urgency. "Is everything alright? Where are Myles and Beckett."  
"They're in the living room," Artemis replied as he led the way. "They have something to show you."  
In the spirit of an authentically dramatic reveal, Myles had draped a sheet over their creation. As Adam wheeled himself into the room, Beckett yanked the fabric off with glee. "Surprise!" He shouted as he threw his hands and the sheet up into the air. "Introducing the Ultra Super Amazing Wheelchair of Awesomeness!"  
The surprise on Adam's face was picture-worthy, and it was a shame none of them had a camera on hand. He started laughing, golden-brown eyes warm with happiness. "This is amazing!" He exclaimed, pushing himself closer for a better look. "You both built this?"  
"We did indeed," Myles confirmed, a smug smirk on his face. He folded his hands behind his back in an attempt to remain dignified, but even he could not help but let some of his excitement show through. "We heard that you were in need of a more efficient mode of transportation. You have been, thus far, the most entertaining tutor Beck and I have had, and we appreciate it. Therefore, we build this for you in the hopes you would accept it as compensation for your hard work."  
"He means we like you and we wanted to build you a new chair as thanks!" Beckett put much more bluntly. He came to stand beside Adam, tugging on his sleeve. "Try it!"  
With help from Ainsley and Artemis, Adam moved himself over to the new chair and looked it over with fascination. "You guys, this is incredible!"  
"Wait till you see everything it can do!" Beckett climbed up into Adam's lap and began pointing everything out, while Myles stood beside them and explained all the features of the new chair in a much calmer manner. Adam oohed and ahhed appropriately and also mentioned that it was probably for the best that they excluded the death ray, even though he agreed with them both that the idea was very interesting.

Artemis crossed his arms and watched them with an amused expression on his face. "You know, this is the most effort I've ever seen them put into a project for someone outside the family," he commented to Ainsley.  
She smiled. "They certainly go all out."  
"My family is not known for doing things on a small scale."  
At that moment Myles turned the lights off in order to properly show off the neon lights installed in the framework of the chair. The pink, green, and yellow lights bounced off the walls and danced around the room as Adam wheeled himself around, turning this way and that as Beckett sang a popular radio song in a very loud and off-key voice.  
Blinking at the sudden shift in light, Ainsley watched what she could only describe as a very lowkey rave and laughed. "Well it certainly is efficient."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! :)


	3. Miss Thief and Master Genius

Most people have experienced the wonderful feeling that comes with returning to whatever place they call home after the end of a long and exhausting journey. It was that same joy Butler felt as he stepped off the rocket ship and onto Irish soil for the first time in five years. It had been a very long, and very exhausting journey.  
'But now we're finally home,' Butler thought to himself as he filled his lungs with fresh air and walked out of the barn, already feeling the strange pull of gravity on him.  
Not a minute later, Artemis also emerged from the barn, smoothing his dark hair back into place. "Stellar landing, Butler. I really couldn't have asked for a smoother operation," he said. "Myles's suggestions for the landing pad were precisely what was required. We must send this technology off to our other friends with astrological ambitions. Green space travel is in the near future and approaching quickly." As Artemis talked, they walked towards the villa standing not far across the lawn. "Do you think they remembered we were coming home today?"  
As if on cue, a young woman with long black hair stepped out of the house and stared at them in disbelief. She called something into the house before she came running towards them, crossing the lawn in record time. Artemis opened his arms to meet her and she nearly knocked him over as she threw her arms around his shoulders. "Welcome home!" Sophie exclaimed happily, tucking her face in the crook of his neck as he wrapped his arms around her tightly.  
Butler watched the two hold each other and smiled. He didn't have to be a psychology expert like Ainsley or a genius like Foaly to know that Artemis was currently wondering why he ever left Earth in the first place.  
After a moment, Artemis pulled away just far enough to look at her face, cupping it gently in his hands as he stared at her features. Neither of them was emotional enough to cry over such a reunion (at least not in public), but all the same a rare tender smile was present on Artemis's face and there seemed to be some sweet emotion glimmering in Sophie's deep brown eyes. Or perhaps it was just the light reflecting in her glasses.  
"Hello Miss Thief," he greeted her.  
The sound of her pet name being spoken to her in person for the first time in five years caused Sophie to beam. "Good afternoon Master Genius. Did you miss me?"  
"Unquestionably so."  
"I can attest to that," Butler broke in, unable to resist needling his principal a little bit. Artemis shot him a half-hearted scowl but Sophie laughed and pulled away from Artemis to give her giant friend a hug.  
"Butler it's so good to see you again."

At that precise moment, Beckett Fowl came sprinting out of Villa Ecó, with Juliet not far behind. "ARTY!" He shouted, engulfing his elder brother in a hug that miraculously did not knock Artemis flat on his back. Even at sixteen, Beckett had lost none of his happy enthusiasm, to the joy but also slight exhaustion of his family.  
Juliet hugged her brother just as excitedly, and the soft smile that spread across Butler's face was heartwarming.  
"Welcome back to Earth! It's good to have you back big brother," Juliet said as she pulled away. "Fight any aliens?"  
He chuckled just slightly, which was the Butler equivalent to a laughing fit. "Unfortunately, no."  
The rest of the Fowl family had emerged from the house now, along with Adam and Ainsley, and were making their way across the lawn. Their fairy friends would come up to the surface that evening to have their hugs and hellos, but for the moment it was an all humans reunion only.  
"Alright, everyone inside," Angeline ordered after everyone had gone through one round of hugs and greetings and she'd thoroughly smothered her oldest son in motherly affection. "Time for a celebratory lunch!"  
Artemis wrapped an arm around Sophie's shoulders and allowed himself to be herded inside for an impromptu party. "Is all this pomp really necessary?" He complained. He sounded perfectly irate, but the softness of his expression plainly showed his true feelings. What a wonderful feeling, to be home again.  
"Absolutely," Sophie answered cheerfully. "You've missed five years of holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, and all those types of things. I think we're overdue for a little party."  
"I suppose that is a fair point."

The week passed by quickly as Artemis and Butler settled in at home and everyone's lives rearranged themselves into a new normal. Angeline Fowl expressed her gratitude for this fact to Sophie when the young woman came by to visit.  
"I was so worried, you know five years is a long time," the woman chatted cheerfully as they walked upstairs together and stopped in the hallway. "But I don't have to tell you that. Anyway, Artemis is in his study. I've got to run some errands but I'll see you for dinner tonight, right?"  
"Of course."

After bidding Angeline goodbye, Sophie stepped inside the study and closed the door behind her, leaning against the intricately carved wood. Artemis had yet to notice her presence, so absorbed was he in something that lay on the desk in front of him, though Sophie couldn't see what it was due to the computer monitor being in the way.  
At twenty-eight years old, Artemis Fowl the Second had long left his childhood prodigy days behind. Instead, he had quickly become a well-recognized genius determined and seemingly destined to change multiple worlds. Having earned his doctorate three times over, traveled to and occupied Mars for five years, and invented innumerable world-improving technologies, the young man did not seem inclined to slow down even now just after his return to Earth.

Sophie wasn't surprised. She and everyone else in Artemis's small circle of friends and family had long ago accepted the fact that his life was designed to move at a much more rapid pace than theirs. The only ones who could even come close to matching Artemis's speed were his younger brothers, Myles and Beckett Fowl. Myles had a diabolical bend to his personality and an intellect that surpassed Artemis's own, though the older Fowl would never admit it. Beckett, though very intelligent in his own right, was far more interested in motor cars and large animals. But he ran his life just as fast as his brothers and sometimes even faster, to his mother Angeline's dismay.  
'Perhaps that is the curse of the Fowl men,' Sophie thought to herself as she watched Artemis puzzle. 'They are never satisfied.' Which was just as well; the Earth could certainly use a few super genii running around saving it. But after five years with Artemis gone, Sophie had hoped to have him around for at least a little while before he left again.

"Already planning your next adventure?" She asked aloud, announcing her presence to the room.  
Artemis looked up to meet her gaze and his features softened, allowing a much softer side of him to show - a side reserved for a very select few. "The adventure is earthbound this time, I promise," he answered.  
"Can I come this time?" The question was asked softly, almost with hesitation, and Artemis frowned slightly as he watched Sophie braid and unbraid a few strands of her hair. He had long ago come to recognize that as a nervous habit of hers, along with clicking her pens incessantly. One of Artemis's doctorates was in psychology, but he didn't need it to figure out how Sophie must be feeling at the moment.  
She had communicated to him several times before - once after a particularly disastrous awards dinner - her fears that she would end up "holding him back" or becoming an obstacle in his never-ending efforts to make scientific leaps. In turn, Artemis - who had always struggled to display emotions - had struggled to articulate to her that he simply didn't share those fears.

There were very few living people apart from his own family that Artemis admired and thoroughly respected: Holly and Butler, his oldest and closest companions; Ainsley Blair, Sophie's best friend and psychology expert who had just earned her doctorate; Adam Haxley, teacher extraordinaire who had tutored Myles and Beckett for most of their lives; not to mention their other friends among the people like Foaly, Trouble Kelp, Mulch Diggums, and No1.  
And of course, there was Sophie herself, a well-recognized journalist who had become a leader in both digital communications and quantum physics (an area of science she had entered into quite accidentally and not without the aid of No.1).  
Artemis was proud to have such intelligent and spectacular people in his life and Sophie was absolutely no exception to that. If he didn't love and respect her, he wouldn't be with her. So her fears, in his opinion, were completely unfounded.  
But despite occasionally falling out of sync, they always came back together and had maintained a strong and healthy relationship even through his five-year absence. It had been difficult for both of them, though they had called and interacted almost daily. Talking about their life circumstances, venting frustrations over work, even just feeling the other's presence and silently listening to music had carried their relationship through five years apart, though not without suffering the normal strain of a long-distance relationship.

Without answering Sophie's question, Artemis stood up and smiled at her. "How would you like to take a walk with me?"  
Surprise sparked in her brown eyes. "I'll go put on my shoes."  
It was a mild and pretty morning for the inhabitants of Dalkey Island, and perfect weather for a stroll along the beach. The Fowls had a private beach sectioned off from prying eyes, and it was there Artemis and Sophie walked.  
"I quite missed this beach while I was gone."  
Sophie folded her arms and looked out over the waves with a fond smile. "I imagine you did. There's no beaches like the Irish beaches. So," she looked over at him with a curious expression. "You never answered my question."  
Artemis shoved his hands in his pockets and chuckled. "I see I can't distract you. To answer your question, I would prefer you accompany me, but I'm not sure the particulars of the mission will be agreeable to you."  
"If you tell me those particulars I could tell you if they're agreeable or not."

There was a brief pause as Artemis seemed to organize his words, and Sophie wondered what sort of endeavor this was to make the normally arrogant and overly confident genius seem nervous. Emotions were shining in his sharp blue eyes, and the only other time Sophie had seen him wring his hands in determination this much was that one time their group was in Rio de Janeiro attempting to thwart an assassination, and their entire plan hinged on both Trouble Kelp's ability to land a date with a not-so-lovely pixel with blades hidden in her stilettos and Holly's ability to keep from assassinating the assassin.  
"To begin, we would be working very closely together for the duration of this endeavor, therefore you would have to put up with me for an indefinitely long amount of time," he stated, sneaking a glance at her from the corner of his eye. She appeared to be listening very seriously, but the slight upturn of the corner of the lips suggested amusement. Artemis couldn't know it, but Sophie had already decided she would agree to whatever this adventure would be. Still, why not hear him out?  
He continued, "I am not yet entirely clear on the exact parameters of the mission but the misadventures could be quite varied."  
"Misadventures of what kind?"  
"All kinds, potentially. Dangerous and ancient magic, risky experimental science, deals with businessmen and con men alike, perhaps another giant squid or a trip through the quantum realm."  
"That all sounds very exciting and I'm certainly very interested. But are you sure I'm the best candidate for this partnership?"

As a child, Artemis had considered himself an expert in several languages including English, French, Latin, Gaelic, binary, and Fairy. He had taken pride in his excessively large vocabulary, his mastery of grammatical structure, and his ability to negotiate, persuade, and interrogate with a smoothness and complexity that confounded his foes.  
All of that seemed to fail him now as he faced his girlfriend, stopping her from walking further, and attempted to push adequate words up through his dry throat.  
"You know that, on principle, I am scientifically opposed to absolutes. That being said," he took her hand and held it softly. "You are my exception. You are the most enrapturing person I've ever had the honor of encountering in the whole of my lifetime. I could use words such as intelligent, courageous, compassionate, and beautiful to describe you but they would fall pathetically short. I have seen you traverse dimensions, expand entire schools of science, face down trolls and gorgons, tear down corrupt rulers, lift up ordinary citizens, and write stories that provide more hope within a few sentences than most heroes could wrangle into entire speeches. I respect and admire you more than any other. And I love you, with my heart and soul. Which is why, when I began thinking of this next adventure and who I might ask to accompany me, I knew it had to be you."  
Artemis stopped to take a deep breath, watching Sophie's face carefully. As he had been talking, a deep pink blush had darkened her cheeks and she was squeezing his hand tightly. She seemed momentarily stunned silent, so he decided to push forward.  
"You see, I would like to get married," he said as he pulled a small black box from his pocket and opened it. The silver ring was set with a brilliant dark green emerald which was nestled between two small blood-red rubies that glinted in the sunlight. "But I can only do this with you. So, Sophie Amaranth Aldenkamp, will you marry me?"  
Tears glistened in Sophie's eyes as she stared at the ring, her mind racing to comprehend what was happening. But the joy in her face when she looked up at Artemis was unmistakable.  
"Yes."

The nervous tension melted away from Artemis's face and a grin settled in its place as Sophie pulled him down to kiss him firmly.  
"I love you," she stated after pulling away. But half a second later she lightly hit him in the chest. "Look at what you've done, I might actually cry! How dare you," she said as she laughed and wiped her eyes.  
Artemis shook his head, still reeling a bit as relief flooded him. "I apologize for being genuinely vulnerable for a few minutes. Which was an awful experience, I hope you know," he said lightly. He caught hold of her left hand once again and slid the ring on her finger, pressing a kiss to the back of her hand as if to seal the deal.  
"Well I thought it was wonderful, so thank you for suffering for my sake." Sophie leaned against his chest and held her hand up to the sunlight, admiring her ring. "It's absolutely beautiful."  
He wrapped his arms around her, enjoying the happiness written all over her face. "You wouldn't believe the trouble I had to go through to get those gems from Mulch."  
"Mulch Diggums gave you the gems for this?!"  
"Absolutely not. I had to buy them from him. He's a relentless negotiator."  
"Well regardless, I owe him a thanks."  
They stood on the beach for a long time, doing nothing but enjoy each other's company and revel in the sudden and exciting new twist on their now entwined future. They may have spent the rest of the day out there, had not Artemis's phone began ringing. More precisely, the ring on his left hand begun ringing. The somewhat flashy piece of jewelry was actually a fairy communicator he used to communicate with their fairy friends. Sighing softly, Artemis twisted the ring around to face his palm and extended his thumb and pinky finger. It was an amusing sight: a grown man looking as though he were pretending to talk on the phone.  
"Hello, Holly. Is this important? I'm a bit busy at the moment."  
'Hey, I just wanted to know if we still had lunch plans. What are you doing?'  
Artemis looked down at Sophie, raising an eyebrow quizzically. "How do you feel about lunch with Holly, Trouble, Foaly, and Caballine?"  
"That sounds fine to me," she agreed.  
"My fiancée and I would be happy to meet you all for lunch. We'll meet you in police plaza."  
'Gre- Wait, fiancée?!' Holly's voice rose in volume as her excitement levels rose, and Artemis cringed slightly. 'You asked her?'  
Sophie laughed softly as she listened to their conversation. It wouldn't be long now before news of their engagement was everywhere. She would have to call Ainsley as soon as they got back to the house.  
"I did ask her, and miraculously she said yes," Artemis was saying. "I promise we'll share the whole story with you all over lunch. We'll see you then." Without giving Holly time to say anything more, he hung up on her. "I believe she's excited for us."  
"Was that excitement or something else? You know they're always saying the world doesn't need more Fowls. I wonder why," Sophie joked. At one time years ago she may have agreed. But now she too would be Fowl by name.  
"No idea," Artemis replied with well-practiced innocence. "I've been a saint."

Sophie pulled away from him and laughed, looking every inch like a woman who had just been handed the world. "Come on then Saint Genius, the adventure begins with lunch!"  
"I absolutely refuse to race you back to the villa," Artemis deadpanned, shooting her a playful glare.  
Laughter was the only answer he received as Sophie went racing down the beach back towards the house. With a sigh, Artemis picked up the pace and went after her.  
'I'll have to start calling her Mrs. Thief soon.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! :)


	4. Life on the Edge of Interesting pt. 1

Inspired by the series Violet Evergarden.

"...and I miss you. I know you're busy helping the troops, but if you have a moment, won't you send me a reply? Yours..."  
Sophie stopped typing and removed the sheet of paper from the typewriter, scanning it carefully for mistakes before she laid it on the table with a pen. "Just sign your name, and I will have it sent off to the address you provided."  
The client, a pretty young woman with corkscrew curls and captivating eyes, signed her name with a flourish. "Thank you so much, Sophie."  
"My pleasure, Miss Paradizo."  
The lady sighed as she watched the scribe seal the letter with wax. "Sophie, haven't we known each other long enough now you can call me Minerva? You've written so many letters for me now, surely you must know me a little."  
"I still don't understand why you continually ask me to write your letters. You're the genius, you can read and write. There's no need to hire a scribe."  
"I like your writing style. You just have such a lovely way of wording things."  
Sophie tucked the letter in her delivery bag along with the other dozen and smiled softly. "Well, letters that carry such lovely feelings should be treated with the same level of care. I'll see to it your letter is delivered, Minerva."

The evening air was damp and thoroughly unpleasant to the point that Sophie felt as if she'd been swimming by the time she stepped in the door of her shared apartment. "It is positively murky outside!" She called out as she slipped off her boots. "Ainsley?"  
"In the living room." Ainsley looked up as her friend came in, brandishing a pair of scissors. "I'm thinking of cutting it all off. What do you think?"  
"What? Absolutely not, your hair is so pretty," Sophie protested, looking at her roommate's thick blonde locks. That coupled with her pale blue eyes made Ainsley a direct contrast to black-haired and brown-eyed Sophie. "Why are you sitting in our living room cutting your hair?"  
"For convenience, mostly." Ainsley put the scissors aside and stood up, pulling a wrinkled piece of paper from her skirt pocket. "I received a letter of summons this morning. They want me at the front."  
To others, it may have been strange to hear the news that a woman who was neither a nurse nor a soldier was being called to the front of the battle lines. But in truth, Ainsley had been expecting this call for some time and had shared her suspicions with Sophie. Ainsley was one of the foremost psychologists in her field. In addition to being extremely knowledgeable, she had a kind heart, an honest manner of speaking, and pleasant facial features to boot. With all those advantages taken into account, she made an excellent counselor for the soldiers suffering on the battlefield.  
Sophie took a moment to slip her glasses off and clean them, something she did when she wanted to delay conversation in order to think for a moment. "When do you leave?"  
"Two days from now. They sent me a train ticket that will take me straight to the city nearest the battle."  
There was another brief pause as Sophie slipped her glasses back on, her eyes steely. "I want to come with you."  
"I thought you might," Ainsley smirked as she pulled a second slip of paper from her pocket. "I already bought you a ticket. You can pay me back."  
Sophie regarded her friend with the utmost gratefulness as she took the train slip. "You are amazing, as usual. I suppose you've also already thought up a brilliant excuse we'll give to the military when they realize they did not call for me as they did you?"  
"Of course. You're a scribe, aren't you? Soldiers need letters written and sent off, and I'm guessing they don't often get pretty girls offering writing services on the battlefield," Ainsley reasoned easily. "And if they still protest, we'll say you're a war correspondent. Either way, we won't let them turn us away."

Two days and many hours of travel later, Ainsley shook Sophie awake and hauled her drowsy friend and their bags off the train and into the bustling city. "Apparently the military has taken over an office building in the downtown area for their headquarters. They've also taken over an apartment building where they are housing some of their troops, medical workers, and nonessential personnel just one street over from the office building and those apartments are where they're putting us," Ainsley said as she turned the city map this way and that. "This way, hurry!  
"Yes Ma'am," teased Sophie. She adjusted the bag on her shoulder, checking to make sure all the letters with this city marked in their addresses were safe.  
"If you call me Ma'am again I'm leaving you to fend for yourself!"  
After navigating the winding streets and busy sidewalks of the city, Ainsley managed to get them to the office building. "Excuse me," she said loudly as she pushed through the throngs of both soldiers and civilians towards the front of the building. "Coming through!"  
A soldier standing by the doors stepped forward to greet her. "May I help you, Ma'am?"  
Swallowing her annoyance, Ainsley showed the grey-haired man the letter she had received. "My name is Ainsley Blair, I was asked to come."  
"Miss Blair!" A dark-skinned gentleman with kind eyes and a mischievous smile wheeled himself up to Ainsley. "Welcome, we're so glad to have you here, it's very kind of you to bring yourself out here just to try and help our troops. My name is Dr. Adam Haxley," he reached out and shook her hand warmly. "I must say, I've been following your work and it is certainly very impressive. Please, let me take you inside. Who is your friend?"  
For the first time, Adam noticed Sophie, who, being smaller than Ainsley and more easily lost in the crowd, had finally made her way to the front of the building. She looked a little ruffled, but overall none the worse for wear, and she shook Adam's offered hand firmly. "Sophie Aldenkamp, pleased to meet you."  
"She's here to offer her services as well," Ainsley said as Adam wheeled himself around and led them inside.  
"Well the more hands at work here the better, I say," he replied. "I myself was only a humble schoolteacher before the war. Now I assist wherever I can. It's mostly office work, but I like to think it still helps. War brings us to strange places, don't you think?"  
"Haxley!"  
"Speaking of going to strange places," Adam halted and waved to the pretty young woman with red crew-cut hair and a pilot's uniform approaching them. A stern-looking gentleman followed her, dressed in an army uniform. "Ladies, if I may introduce Captain Holly Short, the best pilot in the military, and Commander Trouble Kelp, who oversees the division of troops here."

"Miss Blair, thank you for coming," Trouble said as he and Holly stopped in front of the trio. "Commander Trouble Kelp, at your service."  
Ainsley and Sophie shared a glance over the unusual name but wisely chose not to make a comment. Instead, Ainsley shook his hand. "Pleasure to meet you Commander Kelp, Captain Short."  
"And who is your companion?"  
"Sophie Aldenkamp," Sophie introduced herself. "I'm a scribe. I've come to offer my services as well."  
"We did not request a scribe."  
"I know you didn't. I'm volunteering."  
"I'm sorry Miss Aldenkamp, but believe it or not this city is on the edge of a battlefield, where a battle is being fought that may very well spill over into this city and the rest of the country. It is not safe. We asked Miss Blair to come hereafter much thought and consideration, and we are grateful, to be sure. And I am certainly grateful to you for being willing to volunteer. But I must insist, for your own safety-"  
Everything Trouble was saying was undeniably true. But Holly liked the look of the two girls, with their bright eyes, determined expressions, and work-worn hands. So she stopped Trouble midsentence to say, "You know, there are a lot of men and women around this area who are illiterate. And many soldiers who've lost fingers, hands, or their eyesight, and therefore can no longer write for themselves. I'm sure they would love to have someone around to write for them," she said practically. Trouble was glaring at her, so Holly punched him lightly in the shoulder.  
"Come on Trubs, it could be a real boost to morale. Let's just try her out."  
A minute passed while the two soldiers looked at each other, silently debating the issue. Finally, Trouble sighed.  
"Very well. We will 'try you out', as my partner so succinctly put it, Miss Aldenkamp. Dr. Haxley, would you please escort these ladies to their apartment?"  
"Sir, yes Sir," Adam saluted.  
Trouble nodded to the three of them as some manner of goodbye, then turned and strode away. Holly lingered just a second longer to wink at them.  
"See ya later."

"Interesting people you've got around here if those two are anything to go by," Ainsley remarked as she followed Adam out of the busy office building and down the even busier sidewalk. "I think I'm going to like it here."  
He laughed. "I hope you do! And yes, we have some very interesting folks around here. Those two aren't even the strangest."  
"Is that so?"  
By now they had reached the apartment building, which really was just a street over. A young boy selling newspapers held the door open for them, and Adam tossed him a coin as thanks.  
"Here we are. Not very glamorous, but it's better than what many others have," Adam told them as he carefully navigated his way through the soldiers and nurses walking through the lobby. "I hope it won't be too uncomfortable for you."  
Ainsley looked around and nodded, satisfied. "I'm sure we'll be fine. Thank you."  
"Of course. Everyone in this building is very kind, so don't feel afraid to ask if you need anything. I also live in this building, right on the first floor. Room 2b, if you should happen to need me." He smiled, suddenly a bit shy. "Perhaps I could treat you to a dinner, sometime?"  
She smiled in return. "That would be lovely."  
Adam's smile grew into a grin. "Have a good evening, Miss Blair. You as well, Miss Aldenkamp."  
"Goodbye, Dr. Haxley." Sophie, who had been trailing behind them as they walked, nudged Ainsley as they walked up to their little room. "I think someone has a little crush on you!"  
Ainsley chuckled lightly, shaking her head. "He's just being polite."  
"Sure, for now. Give it a few weeks!"

A few days later, Sophie pushed open the door to a diner, a little out of breath. She pulled her hair down from its ponytail, shaking the dark locks out as she caught her breath and righted her slightly crooked glasses.  
"They workin' you too hard Aldenkamp?" Mulch Diggums, the small rough-looking man who was eternally sitting at the counter nursing a ginger beer, laughed. He always had snide comments at the ready when anyone came in. But most of the jabs seemed to be in good fun.  
"No, it's this city of yours Mulch. It's too big!" Sophie replied as she slid onto one of the stools next to him, putting her bag up on the counter next to her. The waitress brought her a cup of hot tea, which Sophie sipped with gratefully. "Running around delivering letters in a place this large takes the breath out of a girl."  
"You're the one who wanted ta stay here."  
"I am, and I don't regret that decision. Us ladies are capable of more than just looking pretty and marrying."  
"That's what you and the other one keep sayin'. How's Ainsley?"  
"Exhausted. Commander Kelp is working her hard, but she's glad she came out here to help. Adam is helping her as best as he can, and I think they're starting to become a bit fond of each other."

As the two chatted, a group of rowdy young boys came into the diner. Their uniforms were muddied and wrinkled, they smelled like alcohol and ditch water, and the entire diner seemed to tense at their arrival.  
"What does a man have to do to get some good food around here?"  
"Order it like everyone else," the waitress called back to them.  
The group moved to slide into a booth, pushing each other and laughing loudly as they did so. One of the boys stumbled and knocked against the counter next to Sophie, accidentally pulling her bag off the counter. Letters spilled all over the floor.  
As Sophie quickly knelt to retrieve the fallen letters before they could get trampled, the boys ribbed their friend over his clumsy move. Then, one of them took notice of who it was they had disturbed.  
"Look who we've got here lads, it's the little letter writer they said set up camp in the medical wing." He scanned her figure with curious eyes and a smirk that made Sophie shiver. "Didn't quite believe them when they said how gorgeous you were, but here you are. You enjoying your time living on the edge of a battlefield?"  
Sophie gathered the rest of her letters and stood, glaring at the boys as she carefully put the papers back into her bag. "It's been an interesting experience."  
"Sure it has. Ya know, if you want some interesting experiences I'm sure the boys and I would be more than happy to show you around town. We've got quite a bit of experience." The boy's grin grew, while his mates gathered behind him and laughed drunkenly.  
"No, thank you."  
"Aw come on darlin', we just want to know what other kind of services you offer."  
Sophie turned bright red, and the urge to punch the sleazy boy was overwhelming. But it was five against one, she was backed up against a counter, and she instinctively knew that starting a physical fight would not end well for her. Regardless, there was absolutely no way she was going anywhere with them! "The only services I offer are letter writing and delivery. Nothing more," she stated firmly.  
"Leave the girl alone Chix," Mulch spoke up from where he still sat nursing his glass. "She don't want nothin' ta do with ya."  
"I'm sorry, did we say anything to you?" The boy known as Chix Verbil sneered at Mulch. "Stay out of our business old man. I'm just askin' the girl here out on a little date. No harm done, you see?"  
"Well, the girl already said no," Sophie snapped.  
Chix grabbed her arm, anger suddenly flashing in his eyes. "That isn't any way to talk to a soldier."  
That was the last straw. Without hesitation, Sophie yanked her arm away and slapped the boy across the face as hard as she could manage. "Don't touch me!"  
Chix reeled back, a very red and painful-looking handprint now plain to see on the side of his face. "Why you little-!"  
By now all eyes in the diner were on them, including the eyes of the two individuals quietly sitting in the very back corner of the diner. They had been watching the scene since it started, holding back on interfering. But now, as things began to look as if they would take a physical turn, the younger man nodded to his companion, who stood up and strolled over to the group. As Chix went to grab at Sophie again, he suddenly found himself held in place by a very large and very strong hand.  
"That's no way to treat a lady."  
A near seven-foot tall giant was glaring down at the boys, who suddenly felt like dogs standing before a tank. But the alcohol was dulling their minds, so instead of apologizing and retreating with some shred of dignity left, they decided to fight.  
"I'm gettin' outta here!" Mulch announced to no one in particular as he slipped away.  
A pale hand reached out and gently grasped Sophie's wrist, pulling her out of the way of the scramble. "You won't want to be in the way of this mess," the gentleman said, his accent Irish and sophisticated. They watched the scene before them, her with mild terror and him with a look of smug contentment.

Each boy attacked the giant man, throwing half sloppy punches and stumbling over their own feet. The giant hardly blinked at their attempts to hurt him, and actually seemed more focused on not hurting them too much than he was on not getting hurt himself. One of the boys went down after a single punch, and another was dispatched by a well-aimed elbow to the gut. To take care of the final three, the giant picked up Chix as easily as if he were a baby and threw him into the other two. Thoroughly defeated, all the boys scrambled to get up and flee from the diner, shouting and grumbling nonsense no one truly cared to try and make sense of. And just like that, it was over.  
"Are you alright?" The Irish young man asked Sophie as the giant grabbed the glass of water the waitress offered him and drank.  
Sophie let out a breath she hadn't realized she was holding, her expression relaxing. "Yes, thank you very much," she said as the gentleman led her back to her seat. She held her hand to them. "My name is Sophie Aldenkamp. I'm sorry you had to step in like that."  
"No need to apologize," the giant said. "They could not pose much of a threat to me, even if they had been sober." Sophie wholeheartedly believed him.  
The younger one shook her hand gently. "Artemis Fowl the Second. This is my associate, Butler."  
Sophie's eyes widened, the name sparking recognition in her mind. She took another look at this gentleman, taking in his pale complexion, ink-black hair, and shining blue eyes. He looked positively vampiric. Not the sort of man she would have imagined Minerva being enraptured with, but if what her friend said about this young man was true, then there was much more to him than his somewhat off-putting appearance. "So you're the infamous Artemis Fowl."  
He raised an eyebrow. "You know of me?"  
"In a way." Digging through her bag, Sophie pulled out Minerva's letter and held it out to him. "I'm a friend of Minerva Paradizo, as well as her scribe. She talks about you so often, she's built you up to be quite something."  
Artemis accepted the letter without any change in his expression. He chose not to speak about Minerva, saying instead, "Most scribes don't hand-deliver the letters they write."  
"You're correct, but most postal offices have been facing a rise in lost or destroyed letters. The enemy has discovered the power of letters and words, and that destroying the men's communications with their family and friends will discourage them greatly. So many scribes are now trying to deliver letters themselves whenever they can."  
"Which is why you came all the way out here? To write and deliver letters? That's an enormous risk to take just for a few words. I would hardly think it's worth it."  
Sophie resisted the urge to fidget under his calculating gaze, making the conscious decision to stare evenly at him. "It's worth it for me. Informational letters are of course important, but personal letters are also so much more important than many think. They carry the feelings of the senders, who want to share their thoughts and lives with those they love who may be far away. That connection is important, especially during such difficult times as these."  
"You've very passionate about your craft," Artemis commented, watching her carefully.  
"What a pitiful scribe I would be if I were not passionate," she replied with a soft smile. "Perhaps one day you will come around to my way of thinking. In the meantime, if you ever need a letter written, I'm at the military office building downtown every day. I would be happy to write for you."  
"Thank you Miss Aldenkamp, but I can write myself."  
"Perhaps you can," Sophie said lightly as she paid the waitress for her tea and put her bag over her shoulder. "But something tells me you may not always be the most sensitive person when it comes to personal communication. Come find me if you ever need help with that. Goodnight Master Fowl, Mr. Butler. Thank you again."

The two men returned her goodnight and watched as she left the diner and strode down the sidewalk out of sight.  
"If you have something to say, Butler, by all means," Artemis said dryly. He could feel the Eurasian man staring at him with an expression Artemis would have described as "irritating."  
Butler only smoothed out his suit and answered calmly, "I just thought you took a good amount of interest in Miss Aldenkamp."  
"I'm fairly certain everyone in this diner was invested in the situation you diffused, Butler."  
"You were watching Miss Aldenkamp before those boys came in."  
Artemis straightened his tie, an action only Butler could identify as a nervous tick. "Objectively, she is a very lovely young woman. I observed this fact, nothing more. Now," he changed the subject quickly, pulling his coat on with haste. "Let us go, shall we? We have much work to do in the morning, and the earlier we rise to do so the better."  
"Whatever you say, Artemis."

The smell of freshly brewed coffee permeated the entire medical wing as Adam brought Ainsley a cup of the strong brew. He wheeled into her office, smiling brightly. "Cheers to the end of a full week of hard work!" He said as he handed her the cup. "Congratulations Ainsley, you've survived your first week."  
"Ah, coffee, my greatest love," Ainsley said before she took a long drink. "We better win this war soon so we can send all these poor tired people home. I've had far too many people need to see me already, and I've only just gotten the office set up."  
At that precise moment, a clunky metallic bang sounded from several floors below, shaking the entire building just slightly.  
"Perhaps you should have waited longer to set up," Adam commented as he wheeled himself around and out the door. "It sounds like someone is trying to take down the entire building."  
Sophie joined them in the hallway, her brow furrowed in confusion. "What in the world is going on? Is it an attack?"  
"Not likely, no alarms are going off," Adam answered. "But the only way to find out for sure is to go downstairs and check. I'll bet that noise came from Foaly's office."

Adam's suspicion was confirmed when they took a small and unnervingly shaky elevator down to the building's basement and found a small crowd packed into the cramped space.  
Foaly was the military's resident inventor. An eccentric man responsible for the majority of their technical advantages, he was a well-known figure to everyone in the building and generally a friend to everyone as well, even though his conversational topics were limited to two things: his inventions and his wife, Cabelline. The basement reflected this, as it was packed full of half-finished inventions, spare parts, blueprints, and several lovely photos of Cabelline.  
At the moment, however, half those things were destroyed and smoke was sneaking its way up the stairs into the main building.  
"What is going on here Foaly?" Trouble, who stood at the front of the crowd, demanded to know.  
The man awkwardly tugged at his shaggy brown hair. "Just a minor mishap, Commander. Nothing to worry about, I assure you."  
"He was attempting to detonate the new flash bomb we have been working on," Artemis broke in. The room's attention suddenly shifted towards him, as no one had noticed him sitting calmly at the desk in the corner. Now he swiveled around to face the commander. "But he failed to properly calculate the exact wattage of electricity necessary to detonate the bomb, thereby causing it to explode. Really Commander Kelp, must I be forced to continue working under these circumstances? So much more progress could be made if I could simply work on my own."  
"Is he calling me a burden?!" Foaly's face turned red at this insult. "Well, I have some complaints of my own! I have a very specific system by which I organize my entire workspace. But it is impossible to find anything with his notes and papers scattered around here!"  
Artemis raised an eyebrow. "I keep all my items perfectly organized and contained. The only reason they end up everywhere is you keep sticking your nose in on my personal work. If your complaint is with the mess then it is with a mess you created."  
"And then there's the meditation breaks, the music-"  
"I cannot help if your musical tastes are not cultivated enough to recognize a masterpiece when they hear one. I hardly think-"  
"ENOUGH!" Trouble bellowed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "That's enough. Clearly, despite you two being geniuses, in this case, two heads are not better for anything." He grumbled to himself as he searched for an easy solution, eyes scanning the crowd as if someone could help him.  
No one in the crowd could offer him an answer to his problems, but Artemis could. "The simplest solution would be for me to move to a different office space."  
"And where do you suggest that be?"  
"I believe Miss Aldenkamp currently occupies an office room big enough for two," he answered. His eyes found hers in the crowd and stared there, silently asking her permission. "If I may be so bold as to ask her to share it with me."

It seemed like an easy decision. Because Ainsley needed a private space in which to hold her sessions, Sophie had been given the office right across the hall. It wasn't a large office by any means, but currently, the only things in it were a small desk, two chairs, and a bookshelf. There was plenty of room for a second occupant. So Sophie tore her eyes away from Artemis's sharp blue eyes and looked at Trouble Kelp.  
"I have no objections to the arrangement," she said.  
The commander's features seemed to relax a little with relief. "That's settled then. Fowl, you'll move upstairs. Now we'll consider the matter settled and that's it. Foaly, clean up around here. I don't want any more explosions." He looked around at the still gathered crowd, his face quickly regaining the irritability it had momentarily let go of. "Get back to work, all of you! The war doesn't stop just because you do!"  
As the crowd dispersed, Artemis walked up to Sophie. "Thank you, Miss Aldenkamp. Though you may not know it, you're saving me from circumstances that were severely detrimental to my work. The military owes you."  
"Perhaps I ought to mention that to Commander Kelp" she replied with some slight sarcasm. From what Minerva had told her, Artemis Fowl was supposedly a remarkable genius, unmatched in academia. But whether or not that was true was difficult to tell, for the young man was so arrogant that it was hard to see beyond that. Still, Sophie was going to be sharing an office with him, so she figured she ought to be polite. "In any case, you're welcome, Master Fowl."  
"Just Artemis will do if you don't mind. 'Master Fowl' gets to be a bit old after a while, and we are officemates now."  
"Very well, call me Sophie then."  
He flashed her his strikingly vampiric smile. "Well Sophie, I suppose we shall be seeing much of each other now. Please try to stay out of my way."  
Suddenly, Sophie wondered what she had gotten herself into.

While Sophie was regretting her generosity, Ainsley and Adam had made it back upstairs. "So who is this Artemis Fowl fellow?" Ainsley asked as she sat back down at her desk.  
"Ah, where to begin?" Adam chuckled. "Artemis Fowl the Second is an Irish boy. A born genius born into a wealthy family whose resources helped him to become one of the most well educated and well-known scientists of this age. Or so they say. Others say the Fowls have been criminal overlords for generations upon generations, and that Artemis is no different. Now I can't say if he's a criminal mastermind or not. But he is a volunteer here, like most of us. He works as a strategist and technology support."  
"Seems to me like he has a problem with authority and an arrogance to rival Narcissus," Ainsley said dryly.  
He grinned. "Is that a professional evaluation? You're right though, the man's more conceited than a pampered cat. But I kind of like the guy."  
"Really? Why?"  
"I don't know, he just strikes me as a lonely kid who's just trying to make a difference in this world, just like the rest of us. But unlike the rest of us, he was just born a little luckier."  
Ainsley watched her friend carefully, reading the stillness of his body language and the subtle sadness in his face. "Well, I guess we'll just have to pester the loneliness and arrogance out of him," she said lightly.  
"Ha, I guess so." Adam clapped his hands together, his mood brightening again. "Now his friend, there's an interesting character! Big as Goliath, stern as a British guard, fights like...well, like no one else. Like you said when you first got here, we've got interesting people."  
"Good, I like interesting."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! :)


	5. Life on the Edge of Interesting pt. 2

Captain Holly Short knew something was wrong when she looked at the clock and realized it was almost six in the evening and something had yet to go wrong. Generally, she tried to enjoy the easy days, but so rarely did a day go by without any kind of mishap that when they did come by they tended to put her on edge.  
"You alright Captain?"  
She turned to find Dr. Adam Haxley smiling at her, a cup of fresh coffee in his hand. "Adam, have I ever told you how much I appreciate you?" Holly asked as she took the mug.  
The male laughed, the flash of his white teeth sharply contrasting his brown skin. "Every day Captain. But I'm just trying to help out." Making fresh coffee was only one of the many duties Adam took care of on a daily basis. One of the primary volunteers for the regiment stationed in this city, he helped out with everything from office work to tending to the wounded. Many of the soldiers had doubted his usefulness at first, due to his wheelchair, but Adam had quickly proven them wrong and now he was a fixture at headquarters.  
"Trust me, coffee is an enormous help," Holly said as she leaned against her desk. "How're things with you lately? I feel like we haven't gotten the chance to talk in a long time. How's Ainsley?"  
"I'm doing well, so is Ainsley. We're going on our third date tonight," Adam answered, unable to keep the grin off his face. "We're going to dinner, then the cinema tonight. There's a new science fiction movie out we've been talking about going to see."  
Seeing the happiness on her friend's face made Holly feel lighter. There was something so uplifting about knowing her friends were falling in love even in the midst of the chaos of war. "It sounds like things are going really well."  
"She's amazing Holly, really the most remarkable woman I've ever met. She's so brilliant, I've never learned so much about human nature and behavior before. She could go on for hours but you'd never get bored. And you should see how she is with the troops. It's like magic, how she always seems to know just the right way to help someone. Being so kind and beautiful, you'd think she was an angel," he bragged about her, laughing. "But then she'll smack you into place with some biting sarcasm and the angel image falls to pieces!"  
Holly laughed with him, shaking her head. "I believe it. From the few conversations I've had with her I can tell she's got quite a wit."  
"She does, and I love it. I'm telling you Holly, asking Ainsley to come here is the best thing Trouble ever did," Adam said seriously. "And I'm not just saying that because I get the honor of dating her. Morale up here has really gone up, I can see it. Having Sophie here has helped too. Being able to send letters to their people back home and receive letters in return has brought a lot of hope back to these men. Some of them have even been motivated to learn to read and write themselves while they wait for their injuries to heal."  
"That is good news." Holly would have to make note of these things Adam was telling her and report to Trouble later. The commander had pushed back against some higher-ups to get Ainsley here and to allow Sophie to stay. He would be glad to hear that his risk was paying off.  
  
They talked a few minutes more and made plans to have lunch later that week, then Holly was called away to attend to some business. After bidding her goodbye, Adam took the dingy old elevator upstairs and made his way to Ainsley's office. On a normal day, the third floor was bustling with activity. Doctors and nurses called to each other as they cared for the wounded, men and women shuffled in and out of Ainsley's office each wanting a chance to talk through their troubles and receive some comfort, Artemis walked around talking war strategy with Butler or humming Mozart, and the clacking of Sophie's typewriter almost never ceased as she transcribed everything from personal letters to battle reports. Even now as Adam wheeled himself into Ainsley's open office he could hear Sophie furiously typing away.  
"Does the noise from the next room ever get annoying?" He asked as he moved over to the desk.  
Ainsley was in the middle of pinning her hair up, so she spoke around the pins in her mouth. "Mm, not usually," she mumbled. Removing the pins from her mouth, she placed them on the desk instead so she could talk as she continued to wrestle with her hair. "Usually Artemis is playing classical music that drowns out the typing. But I've gotten used to Sophie's typing."  
"Artemis not around today?"  
"Actually he stormed out about forty-five minutes ago. I think they had a fight."  
Adam rubbed his forehead, something halfway between a sigh and a laugh. "I'm surprised it took this long. So they finally got sick of each other?"  
"Actually I thought they were getting along quite well."  
"How do you figure?"  
Having succeeded in pinning her hair up into a perfectly neat bun, Ainsley leaned back in her chair and pondered how best to explain. "I think they balance each other well while also sharing some similar qualities and interests. There's never a moment when they aren't on equal footing with each other. Artemis is sharp, arrogant and has little patience for those he feels can't keep up with him. Sophie has a straightforward and determined manner that rejects conceit yet she's compassionate enough to be understanding. He's more reserved and blunt, she's witty and open. They're both clever, calculating, and bold enough to take some real risks to gain what they want. And despite what they both say, I think they like each other."  
"That's quite a thorough evaluation," Adam said, looking at her admiringly. "Should I ask you to evaluate our relationship?"  
"I could, if you would really like me to!" She laughed. "But I think it might be more fun for us to discover our various complementary qualities in the more usual manner of dating, don't you?"  
"That sounds good to me. So where would you like to go for dinner tonight?"  
  
Forty-five minutes earlier, Artemis pinched the bridge of his nose as he stared in dismay at the ink splattered papers that now lay scattered on the floor.  
"Do you have any idea how many sleepless nights of work you've just ruined?!"  
Sophie, who had opened her mouth to apologize, suddenly screwed up her expression and fired back, "Oh I'm sorry, I didn't realize ruining someone else's possessions was only fine when you did it!"  
"Those were important notes necessary to my work which you know is imperative to the war effort!"  
"Ah yes, Artemis Fowl's flying machine, how could I forget when it's been the only thing you've been talking about for weeks. Heaven forbid anything else have any value!"  
  
Ten minutes prior to this argument, Sophie had been frantically searching her half of the office. She looked between and under the sheets of paper stacked on her desk, under her coat, in her messenger bag, under the desk and chairs, and on her bookshelf. She looked until she was slightly out of breath and had two fresh splinters in her hands.  
Artemis had grown thoroughly irritated with her clunking and banging around, and he looked up from the engine he was dismantling to snap, "Has the room done something to offend you?"  
"I'm looking for something," Sophie replied, shooting him a look that clearly read, 'Is that not obvious?'  
With a roll of his eyes, Artemis straightened up. "What are you looking for?" He asked as he wiped grease off his hands with a rag.  
Sophie checked her coat again, checking the pockets even though she knew the object she was looking for was too big to fit in the pockets. "My copy of Lamb's _Tales from Shakespeare_. I purchased it for myself as a reward when I graduated from Mary Antonia's School for Scribes and it's gone missing." She had spent five years at that school doing little else but learn to type and refine her writing skills. It had been a valuable but trying five years, and she had done it all without financial aid from her family. Lamb's _Tales from Shakespeare_ had been Sophie's gift to herself as a reward for surviving. It was a cheap, tattered brown book that had been repaired with glue and tape several times over.  
Artemis knew none of this, nor that he would have thought any of it to be relevant information even if he had. "Well if you would kindly continue your search a little more quietly, I would much appreciate it. I am trying to do very important work over here."  
"Yes, yes, I know."  
At some indistinguishable point after they began sharing an office, Artemis and Sophie had fallen into the habit of sharing their work with each other. Artemis would scribble notes and sketch designs and talk about complicated science or engineering processes while Sophie sealed letters with wax and followed along with surprising ease. Or Sophie might read a letter, a report, or a chapter from her most recently acquired book aloud and he would offer wording suggestions or simple commentary. On some days they could be found debating back and forth on the current state of the country while one of Artemis's many Debussy records played in the background.  
Because of this newly developed relationship, Sophie knew of Artemis's ambition to invent a flying machine that could carry both supplies and passengers over long distances. He had started with engine designs, and thus for the past couple of weeks had been tinkering with different models. It was work he claimed required mass amounts of concentration and precision.  
  
But Sophie was determined to find her book, so the clunking and banging around resumed. Eventually, she wandered over to Artemis's side of the room and began poking around. The man usually kept his side of the room immaculately clean, but as of late, the battles had become more frequent and closer in distance, which had put a strain on everyone including Artemis. Workdays turned into work nights, meals became small snacks throughout the day, and workspaces became messier as tasks began to pile up. After a short search through the papers, tools, and spare parts Sophie was about to give up when she saw a small brown book half kicked under the table under the window. She knelt down and pulled it out. Lamb's _Tales from Shakespeare_ wilted in her hands.  
The book was utterly ruined. Its torn pages were soaked with what she could only guess were chemical stains. The plain cover was stained with something black, whether ink or oil it was difficult to tell. Sophie held it gently even as it clicked in her mind that she would never be able to salvage any portion of the book.  
"What happened to you?!" She asked the poor little book as she stood up. It didn't answer, of course, and neither did Artemis who didn't even glance up from his work.  
As Sophie mourned her book she stepped back over towards the other side of the room and accidentally bumped into Artemis's worktable, knocking over an open pot of ink and spilling the black liquid everywhere. And then the arguing began.  
"I did not intentionally damage your book."  
"Well, I did not intentionally ruin your precious notes!"  
"Perhaps if you would watch where you're going-"  
"Perhaps you should put the cap on your inkpot!"  
Without paying attention to the ink that stained his hands, Artemis attempted to save some of his papers, but only a very small few were still legible. "This was weeks worth of careful research that cannot be very easily replicated! Do you have any respect for the scientific process?"  
"Do you have any respect for anything besides your dull science?" Sophie shot back as she stomped over to her desk and dropped her ruined book onto the wood with a dull thump.  
"Science is the foundation of every technological advancement we as a society have achieved to this day. I intend my work to take our society forward leaps and bounds, and I cannot help if you and your mediocre words and paltry letters fail to understand that!"  
Deeply insulted, Sophie resisted the urge to pick up her ruined book and throw it at him. "Well I'm sorry your stupidly genius brain cannot comprehend more than two emotions at once!" She said sharply. "If you dislike my mediocre words and paltry letters so deeply feel free to move back into the basement with Foaly!"  
"E-Excuse me, Miss Aldenkamp?" At that precise moment, a young soldier knocked on the office door and slowly opened it, fear in his eyes as he slipped his head in through the doorway.  
All at once, the anger melted from Sophie's face and she smiled. "Come on in Malcolm," she said as she attempted to compose herself. "Another letter for Amaya?"  
He nodded, still glancing warily between Sophie and Artemis. "If you please, Miss."  
Wordlessly, Artemis grabbed his coat from off his desk chair and stormed out of the room.  
"Don't mind him," he could hear Sophie saying as he left. "He's spent too long breathing in chemical fumes."  
  
When evening fell, Ainsley locked up her office and stepped across the hall to her friend's office. "Hey," she said as she stepped in. "I'm heading out. Are you alright? I heard shouting earlier."  
"I'm fine, thanks for asking though." Sophie paused in her typing and stretched her arms, grimacing slightly. Once she'd loosened up a little, she smiled at Ainsley. "Going to dinner?"  
"Mhm. Should I bring home some leftovers?"  
"No thanks, once I'm done I'll head home and cook something."  
Adam wheeled himself into the doorway and waved to Sophie. "Still working?" He asked, giving her a sympathetic look.  
The more motherly side of Ainsley reared its head and her already serious face took on a stern expression. "Don't overwork yourself."  
"I won't, I promise. I'm almost done anyway," Sophie assured them before shooing them away. "Go, you don't want to be late for your movie. Have fun!"  
Ainsley rolled her eyes but obeyed and turned to go. "I'll see you later."  
"Good night Sophie!"  
"Bye!"  
The click-clack of typewriter keys resumed after Ainsley and Adam had departed. Sophie quickly lost herself in her thoughts, which seemed to rise up from the shadows and float about like dust in a sunbeam. As a teenager, she never would have pictured herself a volunteer in a military office writing letters for anyone who asked. But she supposed that was just how life was, like a winding road with bends and twists so severe one couldn't even see what exactly was around the corner.  
_'I wonder where I will be in another ten years. Tending gardens and selling flower bouquets by the side of the road?'_  
That didn't actually seem like a bad life, and Sophie thought perhaps she could turn to writing novels as a bit of a side hobby. She absently wondered what her first novel might be about as she placed the last paper atop the small stack that had accumulated on her desk.  
At that moment, the door opened and Artemis walked in, a wrapped package under his arm.  
  
"I did not expect you to still be here," he said after a moment of awkward silence.  
Sophie cast her eyes down and sighed softly. "Yes, well, I had some work to finish." She picked up the stack of papers and held them out to him. "I retyped your notes."  
Genuine surprise was not a sensation Artemis experienced often, but now it was written across the sharp features of his face. "How?" He asked as he took the papers from her. "Did you type all this from memory?"  
"Parts of your original notes were readable, but for the most part yes, I typed them from memory," she answered, a flicker of pride briefly sparking in her brown eyes. "There are likely a few things I left out, so you'll want to read them over to check them."  
Artemis regarded her carefully as if suddenly he was seeing her in a new light. "Thank you."  
"You're welcome. I thought I owed it to you. And I owe you an apology as well." Sophie paused to adjust her glasses, making a very deliberate effort to lift her head and meet Artemis's bright blue eyes. Apologies were not something she did well. For all her speaking and writing skills, Sophie always felt any apology she attempted was weak and flimsy. Nevertheless, she pressed forward. "I may not understand your work in and of itself, but I do understand its importance to you, our military, and our society. At the risk of inflating your ego to a size no human has ever seen before, you are nothing short of genius. The speed and ease with which you construct plans and devices amaze me. But because of my clumsiness, I put all your hard work and study in jeopardy, and I'm sorry."  
Though Sophie may have felt her words were weak, Artemis was struck by the strength of their sincerity. He wanted to respond in kind. "I owe you an apology as well," he said, choosing his words carefully. "In my anger, I said some very foolish things. Your skills in writing and communicating are in no way mediocre or paltry. You are, in fact, one of the most well-spoken and articulate people I have ever known in my life, and the skill with which you can compose a letter that so clearly conveys the emotions of its sender is nothing short of brilliant. I apologize for my insults, and for my carelessness which likely ruined your book." He took the package from under his arm and held it out to her. "I hope you will accept this as a token of my sincerest regret."  
  
Sophie took the rectangular package and untied the twine, peeling away the layers of brown paper. Tucked inside the wrapping was a brand new copy of _Tales of Shakespeare_. But this one was utterly exquisite in comparison. Its cover shone emerald green with gold lettering and a gold floral design. Delicate watercolor illustrations nestled among pages as white as snow, against which the black ink contrasted sharply.  
"It's beautiful," Sophie breathed out as she turned the book over in her hands. She looked up to see him watching her with a surprisingly soft expression. It startled her but piqued her curiosity as well. "You are an interesting person, Artemis Fowl."  
Artemis raised an eyebrow, as though he had heard many descriptions of himself but nothing quite like the soft way she simply said "interesting." He decided to take it as a compliment and replied, "I could say the same of you, Sophie Aldenkamp." Then, because he could almost hear Butler demand he make the polite offer, "May I walk you home?"  
"That would be fine, thank you."  
After she quickly pulled her coat on and gathered her things, they left and stepped out into the chilly night air together. They walked in silence, but there was no tension to ease between them. If nothing else, perhaps they each had gained a new respect for the other. But Artemis didn't fail to see the tender way she clutched her new book to her chest, and Sophie couldn't help but notice the way he measured his steps to remain beside her and both of them wondered if there may be something else alongside the respect that had been gained that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! :)


	6. Picture Perfect

"And that is why selfie sticks are a necessary invention. Thank you for coming to my TedTalk."

Adam's voice punctured through the air, setting each word down so firmly and forcefully that they couldn't be ignored. Ainsley had to stifle her laugh as she walked into the room, having just come home from a series of errands.  
"Do I want to join in the conversation or is it too dangerous?" She asked dryly.  
In the small living room of her and Sophie's shared apartment, Artemis and Sophie sat on the couch with Adam across from them, a myriad of papers scattered about the room. From the look of things, they had been working or plotting out some new adventure before getting sidetracked by their debate.  
"We're having a very intense discussion on selfie sticks and why they may or may not be useful," Sophie explained to Ainsley as the latter came into the living room and began taking off her coat and shoes.  
"I'm in a wheelchair," Adam broke in, ready to launch into his argument all over again. "I'm automatically lower than most people which makes taking selfies more difficult. Regardless of whether it's you holding the camera or the other person when you're lower to the ground the other person has to crouch for you to get something close to a normal angle. Which not only looks awkward, it feels awkward."  
"And holding a small pole with a phone attached to it does not look awkward?" countered Artemis, who knew that this was a silly argument but who also liked to argue.  
"You're holding it for what, ten seconds?"  
"Why not simply ask a third person to take the photo for you?"  
"I'm a big black man in a wheelchair, I don't need other people paying any more attention to me than they already do. Plus, I like the independence of a selfie stick. One tiny pole and I can do it all myself," Adam said with a grin. "Who doesn't like a little independence?"  
Sophie chuckled. "I think you have to admit defeat on this one, Artemis."  
The genius leaned back in his chair, shaking his head. He also knew he should admit defeat, but that didn't mean he would. "I still think it's a frivolous invention."  
"Man, you're biased against it anyway," Adam pointed out. "You don't like taking photos or having any taken of you."  
"I prefer to keep information about myself, including my image, off the Internet, and out of the hands of any media."  
Sophie shot him a sharp look, but her brown eyes were glittering with amusement. "Gosh, it's a shame you're dating a journalist then, isn't it?" In response, he only rolled his eyes before leaning over to press a light kiss to the side of her head.  
"What do you think?" Adam asked his girlfriend as she came to stand beside him. "Isn't having a selfie stick easier?"  
"Mm, I don't think it matters much either way. Here, look."  
With a small smirk present on her face, Ainsley pulled out her phone and smoothly settled herself on Adam's lap, fixed her long blonde hair, and raised her phone up to take a photo all in less than ten seconds.  
Momentarily surprised but nonetheless pleased, Adam wrapped an arm around her waist and laughed lightly. "Okay, I suppose this works too."  
She smiled and handed him her phone so he could see the rather adorable picture she'd taken.

"No crouching, no selfie stick, still quick and easy and fun. Problem solved."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! :)


	7. Distracting

As ironic as it sounded, Sophie hated the media. Specifically, she hated celebrity media and being hounded by them. As a teenager, when she would have been in the right stage of her life to fangirl and admire celebrities, the world had experienced a global technological catastrophe that turned everyone's lives upside down. That event had launched her interest in investigative journalism, and since then the fan-filled world of Tumblr art, fan Twitter, Instagram accounts, and Hollywood drama had remained a somewhat distant and foreign world to her.  
And then she started dating Artemis Fowl. Suddenly she was thrown into the bizarre world of tabloid headlines and Internet writers obsessed with every detail of her relationship, from where they went on holiday to whether or not she was truly "right" for Artemis based solely on her hair color and which gorgeous young supermodel would be a better match.  
It was fundamentally uncomfortable, so for the most part Sophie just tried her best to stay away from that side of the Internet and continued to live her life.

Shutting the front door behind her, Sophie left her bag on the entryway table and stormed into the kitchen to get herself a glass of water to cool down with. Judging by how quiet it was in the house, Angeline and Juliet had taken the twins out for the afternoon, which was a relief because Sophie didn't feel like answering Myles and Beckett's questions at the moment. After a couple of minutes of banging around the kitchen as she was finally feeling a little better, a voice sounded out from behind her.  
"What's got you all flustered?"  
"Artemis!"  
After saving her glass from a sudden meeting with the floor, Sophie whirled around to find her fiance leaning lazily against the door frame. "Don't scare me like that!"  
"You're being irritatingly loud," he said, glaring weakly at her. The usually impeccably put-together young man looked even paler than usual, his hair was messy and falling in his eyes, his clothes were rumpled, and his blue eyes were dull and tired. When she didn't say anything, he sighed deeply and walked to pour himself some water.  
Sophie stared at him, bewildered. "Are you hungover?" She finally asked. It was the only explanation she could think of, especially after she picked up on the oddly sweet smell that clung to his skin. Neither of them were habitual or recreational drinkers, but there had been one incident during a particularly rough mission that had ended with Artemis, Adam, and Trouble Kelp all drunk and essentially useless. The way Artemis had acted the day after that incident was the same as he was acting here.  
"Yes," he affirmed. Nursing his glass of water and leaning against the counter across from her, Artemis tugged a hand through his unruly hair. "Foaly invited Butler and me over last night for a celebration over yours and my engagement and Mulch managed to sneak some rather strong and suspicious liquid into our drinks."  
Just thinking of what kinds of strong drink the dwarf could possibly get his hands on made Sophie cringe. "Where's Butler?"  
"Resting upstairs. He is feeling worse than I am, I believe."  
"Well, let this be an incentive for you to remember to keep a better eye on Mulch when your bachelor party rolls around."  
"Indeed. Now," Artemis set his glass down and crossed his arms, watching her carefully. "What caused you to come into the kitchen in such a storm?"  
She blushed, feeling a bit silly now after she had cooled down from her initial outburst. Fangirls and gossip magazines were such an insignificant thing to worry about, weren't they? Sophie wasn't even sure why it upset her in the first place. It wasn't from jealousy or insecurity, she had enough confidence in herself and their relationship to avoid that. It was more the lack of privacy that bothered her.  
"It's just the gossip tabloids. I don't understand how anyone can stand to make a living speculating on the minuscule details and secrets of other people's personal lives. Not to mention stirring up rumors and discord concerning people's personal lives. I woke up this morning to a colleague emailing me because they were 'concerned' about how I was doing now that my engagement was broken off. Can you believe that?! All because they saw some half dozen headlines speculating about how you and I have broken up because of some stupid reasoning-"

Her rant was suddenly interrupted when Artemis, who had been listening quite patiently up until then, suddenly moved forward and brushed his hand against her cheek, closing the gap between them with a soft, slow kiss. Instinctively, she relaxed against him, letting her earlier irritation be forgotten. They were slow to part from each other, enjoying the rare moment of peaceful tenderness.

Silence hung in the air between them after they'd parted to breathe, interrupted only by the sound of the refrigerator humming and soft breaths. Sophie eyed him, her attempt at a stern expression ruined by the amused glimmer in her eyes. "Must you do things to be so distracting?"  
"It seemed like a necessary course of action," Artemis answered, his usual self-assured smirk forming on his face. "That mouth of yours is too pretty to waste complaining about things that are both not your fault and out of your control."  
With a thoughtful hum, she absently ran her fingers through his black hair, combing the messy strands back. "Is that so?"  
"In the end, you are the one wearing the engagement ring, are you not? We chose each other for who we are, not based on something shallow as appearances or status. I think that counts for more than just a tabloid readers' poll."

"You're right, of course."  
"I usually am. Now come sit in the living room with me, I'm in need of company."  
Sophie rolled her eyes good-naturedly as she hopped down off the counter. "I forgot how needy you become when you're hungover."  
"I can relax on the couch by myself if you prefer to do something else."  
"Did I say I wanted to do something else?" She laughed, following him out of the kitchen. "Because that's not what I heard."  
"Good, otherwise I'd have to find more ways to distract you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! :)


	8. Just Pretend

There was something so sickeningly lovely about charity balls. They were the most contradictory of events: the wealthiest members of society coming together for an extravagant ball in order to raise money for those they deemed poor and needy. And this event was no different. The venue was decked out as if to outdo the queen's palace itself. Elegance was the theme of the evening. White marble flooring had been polished to near translucency, rich royal blue velvet with swaying golden tassels curtained the blinding white walls, and a crystal chandelier dangled above, casting a shimmering white glow over the entire space. A classical string quartet sat at one end of the room, filling the space with familiar melodies. Tables decorated with crystal dinnerware and fresh roses lined the edges of the rest of the room, leaving the middle of the room open as a dance floor.  
Sophie watched the heirs, heiresses, businessmen, and socialites dance and swirl together in intricate arcs and patterns. The soft swishing of their silk, satin, and velvet ensembles as they twirled across the floor filled her ears, calming her down and easing her nerves. It felt strange to be here without a press pass around her wrist or dangling around her neck, and stranger still to be without a notepad, pencil, and hand-held voice recorder. Instead, the only things tucked in her pockets - bless some designers for realizing that women needed big, proper pockets in dresses - were her cellphone and a gala invitation that hadn't taken her a month and some semi-illegal string-pulling to obtain.  
No, she hadn't had to pull any strings to receive an invitation to this party. And she wasn't here in the role of a journalist. She was here in the role of a date. More than a date, she was here in the role of a girlfriend.  
Two months ago, perhaps three, Artemis had grown tired by his well-meaning mother's attempts to set her oldest son up on dates with various young women. So he did what he always did and hatched a scheme: he asked Sophie to be his fake girlfriend. It was an appalling offer but he knew how to make a good argument, so Sophie agreed. Creating a fake relationship turned out to be easier than they anticipated and it finally put a stop to Angeline's set-ups while providing Sophie better access to people, events, and information for her stories.   
And so far, it had worked well. _They_ worked well together, though neither of them could very well describe what exactly they were. It was more than just being partners in saving the fairy and human worlds, more than just being professional partners, and even more than just being friends. But it wasn't quite dating.  
  
Sophie looked over to her left, where sat Artemis Fowl the Second himself, his brow creased in thoughtful concentration as he typed away on his cellphone. He was as pale as he had been as a child, giving him a decidedly vampiric appearance. But the boy had grown into quite a refined-looking young man, vampire associations aside. His features, though still youthful, had thinned out, losing its boyishness and leaving him with a sort of regal bearing which could turn from stern and calculating to tender and amused in an instant. He possessed the same wavy curls his twin younger brothers had, inherited from their mother. But Artemis preferred to style his black hair with an organic gel of his own creation, slicking the waves back until they lay flat and smooth. Tonight, he wore a custom-designed and tailored black pinstripe suit, complete with black leather loafers and a deep burgundy tie that highlighted the bright blue eyes a few gossip tabloids had labeled "fanfiction-blue." He'd been wearing suits regularly since he was ten years old, and though he'd recently expanded his wardrobe to include more "casual" items like classic button-down shirts, plain sweaters, and sweater vests, he still felt most confident and most like himself in a well-made suit. And it showed, making him seem taller and giving him a casual confidence most people could only dream of.  
Truthfully, Artemis had grown up to be quite handsome, and if Sophie had thought he would find it flattering or amusing she would have commented on how he should have been named for Apollo instead of the Greek god's twin sister. She giggled at that thought but decided to say something much more suited to the event instead.  
  
"Dance with me?"  
The playful yet insistent request yanked Artemis from his thoughts like one might yank a drowning individual from a pool, breaking his concentration like a body breaking the surface of water. But the Fowl heir managed to conceal his momentary shock and immediately resumed typing on his custom-designed, hand-built smartphone without giving any indication that he'd heard his companion's request.  
"Please?" Her voice turned softer now, gentle and sweet but still insistent. "And don't try to tell me that you don't know how to dance. Angeline told me she made you take lessons when you were younger."  
Seeing that she wouldn't be deterred unless he gave her a proper answer, Artemis set his phone down on the (frankly, quite tacky) red tablecloth and looked over at Sophie, one eyebrow raised in a perfectly sculpted expression of indifference.  
"You are correct in that I know the technicalities of how to dance. But I don't partake in the activity."  
"Why not?"  
"There is no usefulness in galavanting about to music."  
They could have spent the entire evening discussing the subjectivity of "useful," but Sophie decided to let that monster lie sleeping and said instead, "Don't you think it might look a bit odd for you not to dance with your girlfriend at such an event as this? Isn't that why you invited me, to keep up appearances?"  
"Correct again," he nodded, folding his long fingers together in his lap. "I invited you both because it would have aroused my mother's suspicion if I did not and because I thought you would be interested in questioning some of those in attendance tonight. But my mother isn't present this evening, and currently, there is no media presence we must be aware of. Neither are there any close connections to the Fowl family to whom appearances must be kept up. Therefore, there is no need for us to go to extra lengths to provide convincing proofs of the validity of our false relationship. So while my refusing to dance may appear a bit odd to those who might happen to notice in passing, it has no overall effect on our arrangement. And our arrangement remains nothing more than what we first established it to be. A pretense, a falsehood, a story constructed only to serve and benefit us both as needed. At the risk of oversimplifying, it is just pretend."  
Artemis wasn't one to mince words. Every phrase was thoughtfully constructed, each word chosen to convey the exact meaning he wanted to be conveyed. But the words hadn't sounded that harsh in his mind, and he almost immediately regretted their sharpness as he watched a shadow pass over Sophie's face and her shoulders slump slightly as though she'd been physically lashed at.  
But then she smiled. A soft smile that didn't reach her eyes in the way he knew it would have if it were genuine. She gathered fistfuls of her skirt in her hands as though she were gathering herself up too, coiling herself up as if to absorb his words and the hesitant, apprehensive way he was looking at her. Then all at once, she released the bunched fabric of her skirt, and her shoulders relaxed.  
"Alright," she said softly. "Then I suppose you won't mind if I step away for a few minutes."  
She stood up, and Artemis opened his mouth to try and utter the apology that was stuck in the back of his throat, but the voice that slithered its way between them was not his.  
"Perhaps if the gentlemen doesn't care to dance, he won't mind if I steal this Diana away from him?"  
Sophie turned and found a familiar face gazing at her. "Mr. Austen, how nice to see you again."  
"Good evening Miss Aldenkamp. Master Fowl," the young man nodded politely to them both. The heir to one of the most notable eco-activism-driven technology companies in existence, Max Austen had the unique look of a midwestern American farmboy in a well-fitted and distinguished suit. His ruffled blond hair and clear green eyes were often the subjects of magazine covers, and while he may have liked the attention a bit too much, he was generally a kind person. Sophie and Artemis had met him a few times before, at similar charity events.  
He held his hand out to Sophie, flashing her a smile that showed off his white teeth. "May I?"  
She wanted to say "no." The word was there, sitting lightly on top of her lips. But then she thought better of it. Sophie knew she essentially had two options: she could dance and mingle and try to be amusing and pleasant, or she could wander about in quiet melancholy. The latter option sounded more appealing to her emotionally, but she knew the former option would be the only one that could actually do her some good. After all, if Artemis didn't care to have her around to play her role as a girlfriend right now, why not go back to her role as a journalist? If she mingled, she could ask questions and gather information and sniff out some good stories.  
So Sophie let her hurt and irritation brighten her smile and put a spring in her step, and she accepted Max Austen's hand.  
  
The two of them walked away from the table and Artemis almost breathed a sigh of relief as he turned his attention back to his cellphone and his sketches for his latest environment-saving invention. He dove back into the work, trying to block out the music and the guilt pooling in his stomach.  
Why should he be feeling guilty? The stipulations of their agreement had been clear from the beginning. Sophie had known from the beginning exactly what he needed her to do, and he knew precisely what he was supposed to give her in return. There was no need to complicate the already complicated situation by doing anything beyond what was required. What they had agreed upon. She knew that just as well as he did.  
That justification almost worked. Perhaps it would have worked if Artemis hadn't kept catching sight of Sophie out of the corner of his eye. If he hadn't kept hearing snatches of her voice, her laugh, through the constant bubbling babel of the gala. She didn't return after the end of her first dance with Max Austen. She changed partners, she mingled, she took breaks during which she drank sparkling water while trading banter and questions with other guests before dancing again.  
Artemis kept finding his attention wandering, and for a brief moment, he had an embarrassing flashback to his teenage years when puberty and a preoccupation with girls had very nearly dismantled the success of one of his most dangerous ventures. He knew this was very different from the adolescent hormonal impulses he'd experienced as a teen, yet he also knew this was neither the time nor place to try and figure out why it was different and the implications of those differences.  
This level of distraction was only frustrating, and when the frustration became too much Artemis tucked his phone in his suit jacket pocket and resigned himself to observing this young woman.  
  
The description "Diana" was apt, even if Artemis thought its use was indicative of a very pretentious attitude. Sophie had a youthful and pretty face, with the flushed cheeks and pink lips of a young girl in love, and the dark brown eyes of a world-wise woman. Even shielded by her plain silver glasses, those eyes had a way of peering into a person and pulling out their deepest secrets, as many unfortunate politicians and CEOs had discovered. She had left her hair alone, letting it frame her face and cascade down her back like a waterfall of black ink. The dress had been a gift from Holly (who, surprisingly, had extraordinary taste): emerald green brocade with a high collar and no sleeves, accented with a line of gold buttons down the back. It hugged her slender figure as if it had grown on her before falling in waves and folds down towards the floor, its rich colors setting off her tan skin and making her hair seem darker.  
She danced as gracefully as a bird, lively without being wild and effortlessly without seeming arrogant, and Artemis suddenly caught himself keeping time to the music with the steady rise and fall of her emerald heels as they waltzed by.  
After dancing several sets - with Austen and with other partners too - Sophie took another break to get a drink. It was then that Artemis noticed a much older gentleman approach her. He strode up with all the confidence of a peacock, but there was nothing pretty about the feathers he displayed. His hair was grey and thin, his face blotchy, eyes too narrow and nose too wide. The suit he wore fit oddly, as though he'd stolen it from a geometric abstract painting. He had the misfortune of looking like a sticky sort of man, oiled and greased.  
He seemed to act as greasy as he looked. Artemis was too far from them to hear what was being said, but he watched as the man towered over petite Sophie, smiling as though he were trying to lure a wild animal over to him. She tensed, face and neck flushed with indignation and possibly embarrassment.  
  
"I've got a nice room at a hotel downtown on one of the top floors. Why don't we go back for a nice drink? Come see the room and keep an old man company."  
Sophie could only gape at this stranger who smelt of alcohol and strong cologne, speechless. Anger was ringing in her ears, and while she was shocked to have been approached in such a way she was grateful the rush of adrenaline was drowning out most of his disgusting suggestions. She'd barely even heard him introduce himself. Or maybe he'd skipped that part and jumped right into trying to solicit her for certain _activities_.  
He reached out to grab her again and she immediately stepped back, poised as if to hit him, when she became aware of another presence behind her and a firm but gentle hand on her shoulder.  
"There you are," Artemis said lightly. "I'm sorry I took so long, but that matter had to be dealt with immediately. I did not neglect you for too long, did I?"  
Instinctively, Sophie felt herself relax at the sound of a familiar voice. "No," she replied with an expression like she was suppressing a smile. "Not at all. Is everything alright?"  
"Perfectly fine."  
The older man, Mr. Nevel Hollingsworth, had felt quite confident tonight as he strutted about and leered at the beautiful young ladies present. He had the drunken self-assurance of a rich man used to getting his way either by persuasion, bribery, or force. But now that arrogant demeanor was shrinking away as Artemis fixed him with a cold stare.  
"Mr. Hollingsworth. It's been quite a while."  
"Indeed, young Master Fowl," he replied, grinning as though to distract from the nervous sweat that had broken out on his wrinkled forehead. "The last time I saw you, you were still just a teenager. All grown up now, hm? Is this your girl?"  
Artemis raised an eyebrow, his expression turning from merely cold to threatening. "Miss Aldenkamp is my girlfriend," he stated. Plain and simple. "How is your wife, Mr. Wollingsworth? I noticed she is not with you tonight."  
Nevel Hollingsworth could only shuffle under the weight of Artemis's condescending stare and the smirk that had appeared on Sophie's face as she listened. "My wife is, unfortunately, ill tonight," he mumbled, the flimsy excuses falling awkwardly from his pale and ugly lips.  
"Well, I hope she has a speedy recovery." Deciding that he was done making small talk with this sorry substitute for a wine bottle, Artemis turned to Sophie and held out his hand. "May I have this dance?"  
Her smirk softened into a smile as she took his hand, allowing him to pull her away to the center of the room. "It would be my pleasure."  
  
The first couple of steps were hesitant, but the two of them very quickly found the rhythm of the music, falling into the lull of the melody easily. A few measures of silence hung between them as they danced, but it didn't escape their attention how in sync they were. How every step and movement felt sure and natural, how comfortable the close proximity was.  
Sophie broke the silence first. "Thanks for the rescue," she said, just soft enough to be sure he was the only one who could hear her.  
"I wasn't entirely sure if I was coming to your aid or his," Artemis replied. "You looked quite ready to give him a painful display of your displeasure."  
"I should have liked to give him a black eye at the very least. But I suppose a dance is about as equally satisfactory."  
Artemis cleared his throat uncomfortably, guilt from his earlier words prickling his skin. "About what I said before. I was perhaps a bit unclear or even harsh, concerning the things I said," he admitted. "We've been in this arrangement for several months now and as I see it, well-"  
"I know, Artemis," she stopped him, her quiet words falling heavily at their feet. "You already said it. It's just pretend."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! :)

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! :)


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